I love Gay People: My Thoughts on Same Gender Attraction

Same gender attraction has become such a divisive issue in the last few years. It has become a topic that people love to argue about. I have watched this go on mostly silently because it seemed like there were only two sides to pick from, and both sides seem to be running to opposite ends of the room and throwing rocks at each other. This has made me so sad...it has stirred so many strong emotions inside of me, but I don't want to throw any rocks.

I'm active LDS, and I believe that marriage between a man and a woman is the best and happiest way (in the long run) that anyone could live. But I want to say something else....and I've wanted to say this for a while. I also love gay people.

Ever since I was a young girl I have had a tender place in my heart for people who are gay. Probably because I know what it's like to have experiences that feel dark and that make you feel alone, like you're the only one who could ever understand you.

It seemed so ironic to me that the hashtag #lovewins was all over the Internet the day the Supreme Court made gay marriage legal. Instead of love, it seemed like all I saw on my Fbook feed was so much anger and hate being thrown around from both parties.

As a human family, there are such a vast variety of opinions, philosophies, and religions among us. If we are going to coexist peacefully, we need more tolerance and love among ourselves.  Tolerance doesn't mean that we believe that everybody is right, but tolerance does mean we allow people to live how they will (for or against our own opinions) and allow our hearts to be at peace with them.

My heart aches for people who suffer silently with things because they're so afraid of what others would think of them if they told. I love this website that the church created to try to create a stronger bridge between the gay community and the LDS church. As members of the human family, we need each other. Jesus taught us to love one another.

To anyone struggling silently with anything that they're afraid to share, I just want to say that I'm sending my love your way, and I hope you can find someone safe to share it with. The healing process always starts with honest conversations. #loveoneanother

Sincerely, 

Kristy 

Spiritual Parallels to the Physical World

I originally posted this as a Facebook status...but I realized a blog post version is more appropriate, since it is so long! Just some thoughts...

Physical laws of nature reflect spiritual laws...constant and unchanging.  In the Book of Mormon it says that we are "less than the dust of the earth", because the rocks obey God's will, but we don't. As I studied biology again last summer, I was struck by the order and laws that all the particles of matter seem to follow...it seemed apparent to me that these particles obey the laws of nature...or the laws of God. 

God is God because he follows these laws. We cannot live with Him and become like Him unless, step by step, we begin to conform our lives to His will, to His laws. He cannot change the fact that disobeying Him literally causes our souls to diminish....because His laws cannot change. He wants us to have everlasting life and light, and the only way to do this is to conform to spiritual laws, just as the particles conform to physical laws. 

Jesus Christ is the "life and light of the world". Just like the physical sun allows for photosynthesis, and photosynthesis is at the base of the earths ecosystem, Christ's spiritual light is at the base of our spiritual life, whether or not we acknowledge it. Keep in mind that photosynthesis was going on long before people understood it.

I love that "all things denote there is a God" (Alma 30), and I believe that through Christ, I can walk the path that leads me back to Him, and into life and love that is eternal. I am so grateful for the bible, the Book of Mormon, and words of the living prophets which allow me to come to understand these laws. Prophets are like leading scientists of the spiritual world, and the Spirit of God is our tutor. Walking the path of discipleship may seem daunting at times, but we do not walk alone. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ guide us and enable us with love and mercy as we learn to obey their laws. 

Here is the article that inspired this post:

http://www.everystudent.com/wires/organized.html

Thanks for reading!

Kristy

We Don't Have to Be Stressed

     It's been much too long since I last blogged.  I started writing in my journal just barely and the first line goes like this......"OHMYGOSHLIFEISSOGOODANDSOSTRESSFUL".  Not sure why I decided to not add spaces...maybe it's another symptom of the mind craziness that's being caused by the whirlwind that is my life right now.  But yeah.  Life is so good and so stressful is pretty much how I feel right now.
     I seriously cannot believe all of the ways that Heavenly Father has been blessing me lately.  I'm sitting on the floor of my room right now (which, by the way, is the stinking CUTEST since my roomie and I redecorated!), thinking about all of my blessings.   I got four new roomies a couple of weeks ago....and they are amazing!  Every one of them is an angel from heaven, not to mention I get to spend another year sleeping in the bed next to my sweet friend Alexis Burgin (pronounce BURR-GIN, not BURR-JIN like I've been saying for the last year).  Also, I am finally, finally, enrolled in a major that sets me on fire, after five years of trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up.  I want to be a junior high health teacher (if you didn't think I was crazy yet, you most likely think I'm crazy now). But really. I want to educate young teenagers about healthy relationships, nutrition, exercise, social skills, mental health, and all of it.  I can't wait for that.  Another awesome thing is that I have been asked to serve as the first counselor in my Relief Society presidency this year.  This came as an answer to prayers...I had been feeling like I needed more service opportunity in my life, and Heavenly Father came through on that, just like He always does.  I know that when we have desires to serve we are called to the work.  The women that I am serving with in the presidency are walking angels.  I count myself blessed to be among them and to learn from their goodness.
    So those are just a handful of the reasons why life is so good....and I am guessing you guys probably don't want to hear about why life is stressful.  Every time I find myself talking about all the things I have to do and have going in my life right now, I remember that almost every one of my peers is just about as busy if not busier than I am.  I don't know how everyone does it.  This balancing college/work/church/dating/social life thing is no piece of pie.  I will spare you most of what I would say if I were to go on a rant right now.  I'll just tell you that I'm transitioning from my job at doTERRA to a new job with International Language Programs (another amazing blessing!!), and trying to manage 17 credits.  Sounds busy enough if I stop there, so I will.
     I didn't write this blog post to complain.  I actually am feeling really grateful.  And I guess my thoughts today have been caught on trusting Heavenly Father.  Yesterday I let myself get really worked up about a big schedule conflict I had with work and school, and before it even got resolved I had the thought...how many times in my past have I been absolutely freaking out about something, only to see that it all worked out in the end just fine?  So. Many. Times.  The reason things always work out is Heavenly Father.  No matter how much I try to micro-manage and control my life so that it can go just "perfectly", the secret (which really is no secret) that I often forget is that Heavenly Father is the mastermind behind how my life is going and how it will go in the future.  He coordinates how He needs things to go as long as I am doing my best to live the gospel with a sincere heart.  If I am doing that, my life turning out the way it needs to has nothing to do with my micro-managing and writing every single detail down in my planner (my best friends will tell you that I am pretty much obsessed with that thing), and everything to do with the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ in my life.  His healing power, His guiding power, His enabling power.
     So basically, if we are living righteously, all things work together for our good.  Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose".  I'm so grateful that scripture doesn't say "All things work together for the good of them who plan their lives perfectly, who always know who they want to be or what they want to do, who never forget anything or are late to any appointments, who go to bed early and get up early and exercise for an hour every day and eat only vegetables and are never upset or angry and are essentially perfect".  I am so grateful that this is not what it says.  It says that if we love God things work out for us.  And that is precisely what I am trying to believe.
     Until I get really good at believing this, I'm going to have to keep practicing.  Occasionally I choose mantras that I repeat to myself in the mirror or during meditation in yoga class.  Maybe right now my personal mantra should be..."Deep breaths, Kristy, just love God, trust God, and believe that everything is going to work out".  Everything is going to work out. And with that, I'm out! Thanks for reading :).

"Carry on.  Things will work out.  If you keep trying and praying and working, things will work out.  They always do." -President Gordon B. Hinckley (former LDS prophet)


Also, this.



And last but not least....



#yogababies #chubbybabyanimalsdoingyoga #yourwelcome

The Best News I Have Ever Received

Have you ever felt really excited about something new....like a self-help book, or a business opportunity, or a new exercise regimen, and felt like, "Man, this is going to change my life in a big way, this feels too good to be true."?  I have had a lot of experiences like that, and half the time the thing I'm learning about doesn't turn out to be quite what I expected it to be. Half the time it is not quite so life-changing as they had promised it would be.

If you take the time to learn about Jesus Christ, it may feel like it's too good to be true. You may feel like you could see that kind of power and forgiveness and mercy being applied to anyone else's life, except your own.  No way was one person ever that good, no way can one person save you from all that is bad and hard about your life. No way.

I testify that the best news I have ever received in my life is that the story of Jesus Christ as Savior of the world IS true.  He can make your peace flow like a river, He can help you change, He can improve your health and your relationships and your finances and He will always love you, no matter how far you think you've strayed.  He's not too good to be true. He is truth.  I love my Savior and I'm so grateful for this season of peace when all of the world seems to take a moment and remember Him.  Merry Christmas everyone!

Chair Yoga and Hope for the Hopeless Soul

Today I started yoga teacher training at Lifted Life Yoga.  I cannot tell you how exciting it is for me to say that.  For the last year I have looked in to many different programs and practiced at a few different studios trying to figure out the best fit for me, and I finally found and committed to a program that feels good.  Not surprisingly, I've already started learning things....and also not surprising is the fact that the things I am learning go far beyond the physical asanas(poses).  For example, today we talked about chair yoga, and during the conversation I also learned about hope.

Let me start off by explaining a little bit about chair yoga.  Ideally, yoga is to be done on your feet (or on your hands, or on your head), but not typically in a chair.  However, some people (often injured or elderly people) are incapable of doing yoga in this way, and so chair yoga is a fantastic alternative to what can be a very physically demanding exercise.  As Debbie (my teacher) was teaching us about chair yoga, I was so inspired.  She talked about people gaining mobility in their shoulders, strength in their arms, and flexibility in their bodies.  She talked about people who had never engaged their muscles before learning to engage their muscles and move their bodies in a powerful way.  She talked about people losing weight and gaining hope, and as she talked about these people, I saw myself in them.  You see, I came to yoga training this morning feeling injured.  Physically, I was doing fine, but today I was in a very anxious and unsteady place when it came to my mentality.  The reason for this is that I have this weakness called Being Overly Guilty.  When I make mistakes, whether big or small, I often have a hard time accepting that I made a mistake without letting it completely alter my self concept and drown me in a sea of self-doubt.  That is the same kind of thought process that I was fighting this morning when I drug myself out of bed, pulled up my hair, and drove to the studio.  My negative feelings towards myself were so overwhelming that at one point I found myself feeling a little light-headed with anxiety.  But then, amid the fogginess of my self-criticisms, Debbie's words seemed to wake me up and remind me of a principle which I have been taught over and over again, and which I am still learning...and that principle is hope.  You see, when she talked about those elderly and injured people doing chair yoga, and how they learned to move from where they were at, I realized that if there is physical hope for their less-than perfect bodies, perhaps their is spiritual hope for me.  Perhaps my injured, weary, and oh so imperfect soul can learn to move from where it's at.  Maybe I can reach and stretch and grow and learn, too.  Maybe there is hope for me, too.

Another thing that really helped me today was an exercise we did in the beginning of class where Debbie had us close our eyes and just breath.  As we started to focus our attention inward, she had us picture someone we love and send them love energetically.  Next she had us think of one thing we love about ourselves and focus on that and nothing else for a minute.  I saw my eyes and the way that I look at people that I love.  I love that about myself.  As I sat there and just loved myself for a minute, my anxiety melted away.  This exercise seems so simple but it completely turned around the way I had been feeling.  I had been so focused on all of the negatives that I was completely forgetting about all of the good and beautiful in me and in my life.  There is so so much that is good, that is beautiful, and that is going right about each of us and in each of our lives.  I hope we can all learn to focus on that a little more and on all of the negatives a little less.  I really believe that when we operate from a place of hatred or frustration...whether for ourselves or someone else, it is very hard to make real progress.  So this switch in my mindset was essential for me to be able to move forward with hope.  Hey, all of those weaknesses that concerned me this morning are still there, but if people can strengthen their old and crippled bodies doing yoga in a chair, perhaps I can grow from where I sit as well.

Namaste,

Kristy

Mexico and Me

I am in a relationship with Mexico.  In fact, I think it would be safe to say that I am falling in love with Mexico.  Yes, Mexico, the land of beaches and whale-sharks and zip-lining through jungles.  The land of chicken feet and stray dogs and dog poop all over the side-walks.  We have learned and laughed and grown together, the two of us, and I doubt that the lessons I have learned about myself from Mexico will ever be forgotten.  It is true....I love you, Mexico.

Now, when I say that I love Mexico, and that I love living in Mexico, it is not the same kind of unadulterated love that I have for, say, sunshine and baby animals and Christmas morning.  The kind of love I have for Mexico is more close to the kind of love you develop in real relationships...the kind of love that is born out of sacrifice, hard work, and growing pains.  Despite what my Instagram posts may suggest, my summer in Mexico has not simply been a summer of practicing yoga on the beach, swimming with whale sharks, and posing for pictures with darling ninos.  It was not a blissful three months where everything was easy and nobody cried and everyone laughed and loved and sang along to the Mexican music together.  No....my summer in Mexico was a summer of growth.  And as with all growing experiences or relationships, it was not without struggle.  There were nights when I cried (yes, like a small child) because I missed my family and friends.  There were days when I lost my patience (I did, I lost it) with the group of ninos who I grew to love but who were, I must say it, some very, very naught ninos. Adjusting to a new culture was not easy, and adjusting to the bacteria of a new country was hard on my body and I got sick more than normal.  In my life I have learned that when we sacrifice and work for something, that something means more to us, and because of this, Mexico (or, more accurately, the people of Mexico) mean much more to me now than it did three months ago.  So, yes, I love Mexico, but not because my summer in Mexico was perfect.

Speaking of perfection, that is something I learned a lot about this summer.....okay maybe what I mean to say is that I learned a lot about imperfection....and to be more specific...my imperfection (gasp!).  Yes, it is true, in the pressure cooker of what was my summer in Mexico, there were many situations where I made mistakes.  I made mistakes.  Ouch, that hurts to say, doesn't it?  Or is it just me?  Am I the only person out there who has a distaste for that little part of life called "facing my weakness"?  I'll admit it, it is just not one of my favorite past times.  I don't like to make a habit of sitting down with Kristy and taking inventory of all of the ways that I fall short and all of the ways that I don't completely fulfill my potential here on earth.  And yet, Mexico gave me ample opportunity to do just that.  In fact, it wasn't really a matter of choice, life just kind of made my weaknesses a lot more obvious to me over those three months.  It was as if life took me by the shoulders, guided me to a full length, magnified mirror, and said, "Look!  Behold, your humanity!!".

One of the things that I learned about myself this summer is that I am a very loud person.  Now I kind of knew this before, but like I said, Mexico had a way of making these sorts of things very obvious to me, and while I am not sure if this particular quality is a weakness or a strength, or some weird mixture of both, it is nevertheless very true about me.  I am loud.  It is true.  I speak loudly, I sing loudly, I laugh loudly.  Along with that, I have recently found that when I mess up, I mess up loudly.  Part of me wishes that I could be the sort of person who would trip and fall flat on her face, but then get up and keep walking as if nothing had happened, stone-faced and therefore dissipating any more attention than had already been drawn to her blunder.  No, that is not me.  I am the girl that falls on her face and precedes to stand back up and yell out, "Hey! Holy COW!  I just fell flat on my face! Did you SEE that??" And then laughs (loudly) about it afterward.  I don't know, maybe this blog post is me yelling out again, but regardless, I feel compelled to post this.  And maybe it's another weakness of mine, but communicating with other people about my experiences is the number one way I get through things.  I make sound.

So, here it is.  This is me telling you that I'm not perfect.  I am not a perfect person, I am not a perfect travel buddy, I am not a perfect roommate, I am not a perfect teacher of English to naughty ninos.  I am just not.  I am flawed.  I am oh so very flawed.  Sometimes I yell when I get mad and sometimes I laugh when I should cry (or cry when I should laugh).  Sometimes people don't enjoy being around me, and sometimes with good cause.  Sometimes I do not look pretty.  Sometimes the camera catches my thighs at just the right angle and I look obese.  Sometimes I get pimples, and sometimes I don't shower.  Sometimes I swear.  Sometimes I do not immediately forgive.  And sometimes I do not feel like doing one. Damn. Thing.  So, sometimes I mindlessly scroll through social media for hours.  The funny thing about all this is that all of these sins I am confessing are not particularly bad....they are, however, particularly human.  It's as if my perfectionistic ways (perfectionism is yet another, but hopefully soon to be former, weakness of mine) were keeping my head in the clouds, and Mexico pulled me back down to earth. (Bumping into somebody). "Oh! Hello!  Are you human, too?  Is this what earth feels like beneath my feet?  Oh, you mean perfectionism had my head in the clouds?  Wow.  Things are so much clearer down here, with my weaknesses."  And what a glorious summer it has been....precisely because it has not been perfect, and because I have not been perfect.  Having these realizations this summer brought me to that place to which all of us have been, where I become keenly aware of just how pathetic my current state is, and just  how greatly I need my God.  This summer humbled me.  And of course, this is what Christ was talking about when He asked us to offer "a broken heart and a contrite spirit" instead of animal sacrifices.  I know a little bit more of what He meant by that now, after my summer in Mexico.  My heart was literally broken by the reality of just how human I am...just how not good I am, without Him.  And in this place of desperation, I sought Him more earnestly, I read my scriptures more frequently, and as a result I felt His spirit more fully.

I suppose I will conclude how I began -- with a relationship -- but this time, with myself.  I am in a relationship with myself.  In fact, I think it would be safe to say that I actually love myself.  Yes, myself, a woman of many weaknesses.  Yes, I love myself, but not because I am a perfect person.  I also loved my summer in Mexico, but just to make it abundantly clear: Mexico, like me, was not perfect.

I Pledge Allegiance to My Soul

Yesterday I went for a run.  I really enjoy running....it motivates me to get out and move my body, to experience this beautiful Utah landscape, and to just breathe.  Running has been a favorite activity of mine since junior high, but when I got into college I got a lot more into it.  I started signing up for races, and now, four years later, I have completed four half marathons along with a number of 5Ks and 10Ks.  I absolutely love running....and I wish my relationship with running stopped there.  I wish my running experience was always as pure and innocent and filled with joy as that....moving, breathing, seeing, being...  but it's not, because, along with my love, there is a struggle.  I believe my running experience would be pure and innocent and wonderful if I loved my body without reserve...but I'm not quite there yet. Sometimes, when I run, there is a little devil on my shoulder telling me I'm not good enough, I'm not thin enough, and if I run faster and harder and longer, maybe one day I will be that girl who is worthy of my own self-loving.  And sometimes that little devil is the one that gets me out the door....not my love of the sport.  So yesterday while I was running, my shoulder devil was talking to me about my body...and he wasn't saying nice things.  And then, out of nowhere, I had a realization come to my mind that silenced him and returned me to love again.  I glanced down at my legs as they ran, and witnessed them move back and forth, back and forth.  I felt the effort that it took to move, I saw the way they ran on and on...right, left, right, left, and then I felt how my lungs kept breathing in and out, in and out, and as my perception shifted in that moment, I realized how incredibly precious I am, and how incredibly precious this body is that I've been given.  How could I ever listen to that bad body image devil on my shoulder?  How could I ever let him tell me how to feel about my body, when my body is doing and breathing and moving and creating for me all the time, every day, just yearning for my love?  I felt so much love in that moment.  I loved my body in that moment.  I'm pretty sure I said "thank you" out loud, because I felt so much indescribable gratitude for everything my body does for me, for all of the steps my legs have taken, and all of the sweat and blood and tears that my body has been through to get me to this point in my life. "Thank you, body", I said it, and I felt it.

This morning in yoga, my teacher Julie Branham talked about the concept of "pledging allegiance to our soul".  I believe that the soul is the spirit and the body united together to create a human being, and so for me, to pledge allegiance to my soul means that I pledge allegiance to my spirit and my body.  I've already talked about my experience running... my physical experience....but in a lot of ways my spiritual experience here on earth has been much the same.....I'm running, I'm trying, and I'm too often listening to those voices that tell me I have to run farther and run harder in order to be deserving of my self-love.  This is not true spiritually just as it is not true physically.  I am deserving of my love right now, exactly how I am, with all of my imperfections and flaws, and with all of the distance I have left to cover, both physically and spiritually.  I know that my Savior loves me exactly how I am, and I think it is just about time that I follow His example in this area of my life, and learn to love myself as well, imperfect as I am.  

So today I want to pledge allegiance to my soul.  The definition of allegiance is loyalty or commitment to a cause.   I want to pledge loyalty and commitment to the cause of my soul.....and loyalty means to love and stand by something or someone.  I want to love and stand by myself.... and I want all women to love and stand by themselves.  When we constantly nit-pick, when we focus on negative things (a lot of which aren't even true), and when we listen to those little devils on our shoulders, we are not exercising allegiance to the cause of our souls.  I know that overcoming body image issues (or spiritual image issues!) takes time, but I believe that if we continue to live in gratitude and love, it can eventually happen.  I pray one day that my experience will return to the pure innocence and joy of a child.....the doing, the breathing, the being, the seeing, the growing, and the learning.....without any negative thought towards myself...and you know what? I fully believe that this prayer of mine will be realized some day.  I believe that through consistently applying the atonement in my life, and through consistently allowing God's love to fill my soul, little by little, I will become more and more childlike.  That is the cause of my soul, and that is the reason I move, and so today I am choosing to pledge allegiance to my soul.


Love to All,

Kris