Today I started yoga teacher training at Lifted Life Yoga. I cannot tell you how exciting it is for me to say that. For the last year I have looked in to many different programs and practiced at a few different studios trying to figure out the best fit for me, and I finally found and committed to a program that feels good. Not surprisingly, I've already started learning things....and also not surprising is the fact that the things I am learning go far beyond the physical asanas(poses). For example, today we talked about chair yoga, and during the conversation I also learned about hope.
Let me start off by explaining a little bit about chair yoga. Ideally, yoga is to be done on your feet (or on your hands, or on your head), but not typically in a chair. However, some people (often injured or elderly people) are incapable of doing yoga in this way, and so chair yoga is a fantastic alternative to what can be a very physically demanding exercise. As Debbie (my teacher) was teaching us about chair yoga, I was so inspired. She talked about people gaining mobility in their shoulders, strength in their arms, and flexibility in their bodies. She talked about people who had never engaged their muscles before learning to engage their muscles and move their bodies in a powerful way. She talked about people losing weight and gaining hope, and as she talked about these people, I saw myself in them. You see, I came to yoga training this morning feeling injured. Physically, I was doing fine, but today I was in a very anxious and unsteady place when it came to my mentality. The reason for this is that I have this weakness called Being Overly Guilty. When I make mistakes, whether big or small, I often have a hard time accepting that I made a mistake without letting it completely alter my self concept and drown me in a sea of self-doubt. That is the same kind of thought process that I was fighting this morning when I drug myself out of bed, pulled up my hair, and drove to the studio. My negative feelings towards myself were so overwhelming that at one point I found myself feeling a little light-headed with anxiety. But then, amid the fogginess of my self-criticisms, Debbie's words seemed to wake me up and remind me of a principle which I have been taught over and over again, and which I am still learning...and that principle is hope. You see, when she talked about those elderly and injured people doing chair yoga, and how they learned to move from where they were at, I realized that if there is physical hope for their less-than perfect bodies, perhaps their is spiritual hope for me. Perhaps my injured, weary, and oh so imperfect soul can learn to move from where it's at. Maybe I can reach and stretch and grow and learn, too. Maybe there is hope for me, too.
Another thing that really helped me today was an exercise we did in the beginning of class where Debbie had us close our eyes and just breath. As we started to focus our attention inward, she had us picture someone we love and send them love energetically. Next she had us think of one thing we love about ourselves and focus on that and nothing else for a minute. I saw my eyes and the way that I look at people that I love. I love that about myself. As I sat there and just loved myself for a minute, my anxiety melted away. This exercise seems so simple but it completely turned around the way I had been feeling. I had been so focused on all of the negatives that I was completely forgetting about all of the good and beautiful in me and in my life. There is so so much that is good, that is beautiful, and that is going right about each of us and in each of our lives. I hope we can all learn to focus on that a little more and on all of the negatives a little less. I really believe that when we operate from a place of hatred or frustration...whether for ourselves or someone else, it is very hard to make real progress. So this switch in my mindset was essential for me to be able to move forward with hope. Hey, all of those weaknesses that concerned me this morning are still there, but if people can strengthen their old and crippled bodies doing yoga in a chair, perhaps I can grow from where I sit as well.
Namaste,
Kristy
